No, There’s No Such Thing as It Being “Too Loose”

The common vagina myth used to shame women

We’ve all seen the meme of the piece of salmon trying to make a statement about the amount of times a vagina is penetrated. The first slice of fish has had zero partners and the hole in the filet is small. The second has had sex and the hole is bigger. And then the third piece of fish—comparing itself to a “slut”—has a gaping hole. While this meme gained popularity recently, its message has been around for as long as women have been having sex. The vagina of a person who has a ton of sex will become loose over time.

Oddly, this analogy only exists only for women who are not in monogamous relationships. Because apparently the vagina of a single woman who’s had sex with a hundred people will look different than one belonging to someone who’s had sex with her husband a hundred times. Funny how that works, huh? It almost seems as if this “fact” about vaginas doesn’t make any sense… and it’s just another way our society shames the sexual autonomy of women by saying our morals, values, and worth plummet each time we have sex.

That’s why our journeys home from a sexual encounter is called a “walk of shame,” and this same journey made by a man is called… a walk.

I’m here to tell you what’s up once and for all: Sex can’t cause a vagina to become loose. Let’s say you’ve fallen prey to this line of thinking and believe vaginas that have a lot of sex result in it becoming loose. You would only fuck girls with super tight vaginas, right? Okay, now imagine this: Someone tells you that when you stick your dick into that super tight vagina, it squishes a little because your partner is so tight. But watch out: Because the more sex you have with that tight vagina, you’ll keep squishing your dick. That’s right: Imagine working against a stigma that the more sex you have with a vagina, the smaller your penis will become. “But a vagina could never permanently change my penis!” you’d claim. You’re right. It can’t. And the opposite scenario is also 100 percent true.

Soon after sex is over, the vagina—once able to accommodate a penis because of arousal—returns to its natural pre-dicked-down size and shape.

When I asked Dr. Angela Jones, an obgyn and Astroglide’s resident sexual health advisor about this, she laughed out loud. “Vaginas were built to accommodate. Babies pass through vaginas for crying out loud. [This is the] obvious reason penises, no matter how many, can’t ‘loosen’ a vagina,” Dr. Jones explains. “A penis in the vagina, no matter how many, is like dropping a pebble in a pond. You see the effects initially, then there are no after effects.”

Hear that? Soon after sex is over, the vagina—once able to accommodate a penis because of arousal—returns to its natural pre-dicked-down size and shape.

Vaginal atrophy does exist, Dr. Jones tells me, but it has to do with age and hormones. Menopause, post-pregnancy and breastfeeding can cause decreased levels of estrogen in the vagina, which results in it losing its ability to lubricate and accommodate a penis due to loss of tissue folds. The tissue also becomes thinner and paler. But it’s still not flopping around like a drunk Muppet, ya idiot.

“But sometimes I can feel my partner squeezing me!” you may be thinking to yourself. That, my friend, is your partner engaging their pelvic floor—something that is not part of the vagina. It’s a muscle that lies under the uterus, bladder and rectum. In fact, you have one, too! Ever pee and then try to stop the flow of urine? That’s your pelvic floor working. Pelvic floor exercises are used to help with things like managing incontinence (involuntary urination when you cough/sneeze/etc) and making pushing out a baby easier.

Labias vary in size, shape, and color. Just like balls. Are balls bad for being a certain size or shape? No. They’re just balls.

So when someone’s fucking me and tells me I’m “so tight,” do I laugh internally? Sure. Because every single person with a vagina has heard this. And then I kegel on their dick some more. Not for their pleasure but because it helps me orgasm quicker and more intensely.

“But what about vaginas that look ‘sloppy?’” you ask next. First of all, rude. Second of all, you’ve been swindled by the dumbest rumor ever created: that women with large labia are loose. The two sets of labia, or the “lips” surrounding the vagina like a pair of parentheses, come in all shapes and sizes. Just like we equate toned stomachs or round butts with “perfection,” we are taught that small, flat labia are “pretty.” Labias vary in size, shape and color. Just like balls. Are balls bad for being a certain size or shape? No. They’re just balls. Labias are just labias. Essentially, the vagina has a pair of curtains framing it that can come in a hundred different combinations of length, fabrics and designs. But those curtains don’t change the size of the window.

In the end, the “loose vagina” myth is just another way we tell people with vaginas who have sex often that they’re damaged goods, severely tarnished by their decision to sleep with whoever they want. (One day, I wish men could feel this shame women have to actively work against every day—even when it’s purely subconscious, internalized, and we logically know it’s wrong.) Don’t compare anyone’s vagina to a piece of salmon. Equating it with an object is just that: objectifying it. So go fuck without abandon and know just as your dick doesn’t change shape no matter how much sex you have, neither will a vagina.